Revision Plans

Revision Plans

While experiencing some technical difficulties with the video, I’ve decided to post the general summary here. This is what I hope my revision will work to accomplish.

First of all, as suggested by comments on my paper, I’m going to go back and add more direct conversation between Alexander and the rest while also checking my terms with how I presented them in the essay.

My introduction needs to be worked on, focused more on the direction of the essay and less on explanations. Summaries are handy and all but there is currently an excessive amount. As a habit, I ended up talking mostly about Gee since he was the one that we’re most familiar with and have been working with since the beginning. But One of the main voices of the paper should be Alexander.

Later on, I begin to make connections that seemed popular but failed to set it up fluently. Unless I tweak parts of the essay and rework them, my furthering of the conversation will not have as great of an impact.

One of my peers pointed to my conclusion as needing the most work. That isn’t such an unfamiliar comment for me. Often my conclusions don’t end on a powerful enough note and tend to be unfocused. By the end of my essays, I’ve usually forgotten the outline and just continue to write. That makes my endings a bit messy.

Overall, there’s a lot that I could do to improve my essay. This is just the first draft, one step in the right direction. It attempts to answer all of the questions and tries to be too many places at once. At its worst, it’s my thoughts written out on a paper. At its best, it’s the start.

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