first drafts are always a mix between unfortunate and a half done ideas. Parts of my paper work already, but there are some areas that could be touched up on to make it that much smoother and have a stronger impact. Some of my ideas for change came up before my group even looked at the paper, other things were discussed in the group, or they provided ideas on how I might want to further what I say.
Things that I knew I wanted to work on before the group round up:
Editing on: looking at the basic grammar, correction some comma splices, sentence fragments, as well as faulty comparisons. There was some repetition in my writing that I noted and plan to fix before my final draft. The biggest issue that I seemed to have was nonsense sentences. When read, the sentence simply wouldn’t make sense with the words that I had chosen, this led to some of the sentences being rewritten. Nonsense sentences are a typical error for me. There are a lot of times where I will think of a sentence in my head and simply type the words out incorrectly, or I will look away from the screen to type it out. Distractions that pull me from my writing lull and whatever someone says to me will make it onto the paper instead of the thought I was in the middle of. There is also a lack of quotes and speaking from other authors that need to be added in. I lead onto some points but lack the direct communication that will give my claims more weight. That’ll also be worked on between now and the final draft…
After meeting with my group and discussing my paper:
Addition to the point of the title, build more into that. Culture of hands. Reference the comments, build into that. Japanese potter expand on that, how it applies to life, being a potter. Newcomers, to art in general can sometimes forget the value in things that are already used, they prefer new to old.
Add in small section of the hand techniques, probably next to the techniques/strength it takes to actually form the clay.
Add in more direct references to what discourse is and incorporate it into the paper.
Expand on the conclusion, why it is worth the effort to join.